I don't usually call myself a quitter, but its 5 months now and I am seriously considering it. I keep telling myself things will get better, things will turn around, but its either steady or going downhill. I never dreaded practice/call times/performances at UCI, and if I was late, there was always some kinda reason behind it. Over here, I make myself leave for practice in the last minute until I won't be late. I LOVE walking back to my dorm after practices. On top of that, the days I have practice is another additional day I am pissed at myself. So f*ckin pissed that I am too pussy to admit to myself that I deserve better.
Last night something happened that I don't want to get into further detail, but it ended up with me walking back to the station at 9:30 pm in a city where I had no idea where the f*ck anything was. I dance so often now to release anger, instead of to bring me to a happier place.
This country was just turning into a more exciting place for me on a normal basis. BUT I DONT CARE ANYMOREEEEEEEEEEEE. afjlsafkjdweiwefj, go ahead slap me, b*tch at me, I deserve it for being this weak .
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turner! it's so good to see that you're writing! i always at least have two going at time, one for daily occurrences, and one for more personal/abstract stuff :) keep it up! ...but it makes me sad to see that those people over there are totally underestimating you and who you are and what you bring to a group... it gets me ticked off, but at the same time, if they don't get to know you like we do, it's their loss and they deserve it, so it all comes full circle anyway. bah. anyway... i hope to see you writing more! =) love youuuu! and you are not weak! you are more than strong for realizing that you don't have to go with the current and you know when to stand up for yourself! again, their loss that they'll never really learn how to do that themselves.
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